


A Flaming pile of bullshit, WOW! Thanks, fate!

by PastelsColliding (Miksykat)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Dragons, Alternate Universe - No Sburb/Sgrub Sessions, Asshole Dave's Bro | Beta Dirk Strider, Bro is just horrible, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Child Abuse, Davepeta is a Griffin tho, F/F, F/M, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, I am so sorry, I'm making shit up as I go along, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Literally the only thing we're lacking is ashen, M/M, Mom Lalonde is trying, My First AO3 Post, Other, POV Multiple, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Someone shoot me this is gonna be a shitfest, weird shit happens
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-18
Updated: 2018-07-18
Packaged: 2019-06-12 09:12:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15336609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miksykat/pseuds/PastelsColliding
Summary: So... Dragons are real.Nobody really expected that. When the eggs were found, everyone thought they were gemstones. Of course, nobody could afford them except for museums, and the lovely Roxanne Lalonde. Roxanne apparently thought that giant gemstones were good gifts for infant Dave and Rose, and then decided "well, not too many toes were crushed, let's get Jamie's boy a gemstone too!" And therefore John had one too.When the dragons hatched, animal activists started climbing up the government's ass about making sure nothing happened to them. Laws were made that basically said "OK,, this dragon hatched in your house? It's yours now, treat it like you would your own child."Yeah, those laws are useless now that America is kind of dead.





	A Flaming pile of bullshit, WOW! Thanks, fate!

**Author's Note:**

> So not only is this my second story ever, but it's also based off of a dream I had recently. Don't worry, I was but an onlooker gazing into a story I have yet to write in this dream. You won't be getting any crazy self inserts or OC shit in this. I'm also really bad a writing and I make more typos than the glorious Roxy Lalonde herself, so sorry. I'm really trying my damnedest here so if ya see any problems or have any advice, I'm all ears! I always appreciate constructive criticism.

Jakob Harley was doing as he usually did, hunting great beasts and living for adventure, and as he followed some strange tracks, he was led to a cave. Here, there were dozens upon dozens of tracks, all looking very similar, but not quite identical. Inside the cave were so many gemstones, huge clusters of crystals that were vaguely circular and about the size of a man's head. He couldn't believe his eyes.He was going to be rich. He could finally buy the island he'd always dreamed about.

-

Roxanne Lalonde now had two beautiful children. She simply had to get them something special. Toys weren't enough, though she'd certainly make sure they had all the toys they could ever want. She got them the finest of everything, but it still wasn't grand enough. So she searched, she searched for something that would adequately show just how much they meant to her. Then she found it, an auction house selling enormous gemstones. Everyone knows that you never buy someone a gemstone unless they mean a lot to you. It was perfect. The museums were easily outbid, so she didn't need to bother with anything she didn't want. She bought a brilliant red cluster of rubies that reminded her so much of her little Davey's eyes that she couldn't pass it up. The one she got for Rosie was a lovely jade green Roxanne knew she'd like. She had a feeling that they were going to absolutely love these stones with all their hearts.

-

Derrick Strider had just lost his girlfriend, but he had to keep this lousy kid. All the little wimp did was cry and shit himself. At least Roxanne was going to provide him with a fuckton of money to take care of the kid. The only current problem was that he not only had his own shit to unpack, but he also had to unpack the little brat's garbage. The worst thing to unpack was that damn rock. He had no idea why she didn't just resell it if she didn't want the kid anymore, the crazy broad insisted that he bring it with him. Well, maybe when the kid was old enough he could whip him into shape without some bitch hanging over his shoulder. Then he'd be able to sleep without the little shit crying all hours of the night.

\- 

James Egbert was caught between grief and celebration. He had just gained a handsome son, but in exchange lost his beautiful wife. His good friend Roxanne heard, and as a gift to both John and himself, bought an enormous gemstone. He didn't know why she did it, but she spent all that money despite all his protests. He decided to display it in John's room, since denying such an expensive gift after it had been bought would just be plain rude.

-

Rose's gemstone was cracked. Roxanne had no idea what could have happened to it. She went off to ask the maid if she knew, and when she came back it was further damaged. She was just about to yell to the staff that whoever was breaking it would be fired when a piece fell off. She couldn't believe it. Something was trying to break out of the stone. As more pieces fell off, she saw more of what was clawing it's way out. A claw, a tail, a mouth full of small but clearly powerful teeth, a wing, and soon enough whatever it was was staring back at her. Once it finally broke out of the stone- no, the egg,- it tumbled out and fell to the floor. It had the same jade green color as the gemstone, with one curved and one hooked horn. It had red feathers on the back of its head, and on its wings and tail. Roxanne was frozen in shock, it looked like something straight from mythology. It looked like a dragon.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry Bro is literally evil incarnate but without the influence of lil cal fucking with his brain he's got to have some sort of reason for being a complete and total asswad. Don't worry tho, he won't be allowed to be a complete and total asswad for long =) also the guardians and the alpha kids aren't the same people, but I'm not sure how I'm gonna incorporate the alpha kids into the story yet so it's not tagged like that in case I change my mind


End file.
